I'm back!

Yeah!:)Finally..after weeks of slogging at work,it's the holidays!:):) sort...of...relaxing:)
Anyways,just wanted to share yet another amazing vision given to me at church today:)heee!

Like usual,we had our worship team prayer session before rehearsing but this week was slightly different.Usually,we would praying strong in tongues to welcome Him in our presence and etc etc.But this time round,Jie Averil wanted us to emphasize on Christ living in us.After all,since Christ is confirmed to be never changing,this means that we are the determining factor to each Sunday's worship atmosphere:) We just needed to trust and have more faith in ourselves,removing the "me" factor in our equations:)
And so I did:)really taking off ALL things on my mind and just focusing on what God can do through me:)
Low and behold,soon,when I realized my burdens were finally lifted off me,God showed me this vision:

He was standing in the centre of our worship team circle.And one by one,he gave each of us a white rose enclosed in a transparent box.idk why rose and white but well....soon,as I kept questioning/nudging God,I saw this amazing beautiful unexplainable image like vision(?).vibrant colours were simply exploding everywhere.the roses in our hands were basically changing colours beautifully.I even saw colours which I knew never existed on this world.the feeling was just SOOO wonderfully unexplainable with mere words:) I just stood in awe and God just kept transforming these colours to new ones..

Then,I heard God literally telling me,"Brenda,these colours all mean something".I couldn't help but tear slightly.By the way,my heart was pumping madly fast as the colours were still changing madly-ly nice:X

So,God nudged me back in my heart and told me:All these colours are the many different treasures I want to offer to every single person.
Red:Passion to keep going in life and in the future to pursue my goal for you.
Yellow:Cheerfullness that will brighten the lives of the many I'll soon bring you to meet
Blue:the understanding of others' feelings so that you will know how exactly to talk to them

These are just SOME of the treasures this rose carry.As you carry this rose in your heart,these treasures will reveal itself to you one by one when you need them...

But,most importantly, we need to stretch out and open our hands to receive this rose:)

Hmmm..great and simple to say in front the small worship team group.But to say in front of the congregation..gosh!!haas!I was so hoping Jie Averil would have forgotten to ask me to share.but oh well, she didn't and. Phew! Everyone commented saying it went well and that it was really cute to see the congregation lift their hands waiting for God's rose to fall on them!

Seriously,thank God...haa:)
And yeah!SUCCESS!!:D

In Him, I don't feel weary.

Every session of Pit-stop(Youth prayer sharing) was different and all i can say i thank God for just transforming me entirely inside-out each time. Each time, I enter Pit-Stop without too much expectations, just to enjoy and busk in his presence. But God always seems to know I desire much more than that and he just floods me with His grace each time, and challenges me to new stuff. Always, I pray for these challenges, but when i do envision myself with these challenges, or when they really come, I can't help but freak out.

Fortunately, God is just so good:)

Yesterday was Pit-stop again and I was similarly not expecting much. I was just so drained out as we walked to Gor Elkan and Jie Adiella's house. My eyes could just so tired, it was like, if i closed them for more than 20s, I'd have fallen asleep. Even while talking to people, I just couldn't help but blink slowly. You could have imagined. I was worried I'd end up falling asleep while everyone was engaged and in His presence. As many knew, I had fallen asleep in countless sermons and prayer sessions till my Mum had once even asked me to go for prayer, but i was just to embarrassed.

But low and behold, God knew my thoughts and caught me under his rein within the first 30s into praying in tongues. I was suspecting my own thoughts at first, thinking it could have just been me feeling so stressed and worked out, that when I closed my eyes to relax and pray, my facial muscles tensed up on their own. But soon, I knew I had to believe that it was God working through Him. I kept wanting to think it was just my facial muscles tensing up due to extreme fatigue. But, deep in my spirit, I knew, God was revealing to me. This was what i felt: I felt like a horse, placed in a bridle(i just googled..said this word earlier in faith without knowing the actual meaning), tugged firmly yet lovingly by someone. 

I had been reading "When Heaven Comes Down" by Ché Ahn" and was asking God to really show me his glory. However, I must admit,this was a half-hearted request. The other me was terribly afraid about what "scary" thing God might end up doing. So, at that point i felt the tugging, i kept questioning God, is this related to your glory? I need to know more to understand what you're trying to depict to me.

And sure, God gave me a scene of clouds. 2 horses were bridled up and pulling a chariot. I couldn't decipher who was on the chariot but i knew, it was God. He continued showing me more progressively, but I'm telling you, I had a crazy hard time deciphering... Soon, I saw God taking baggages off from don't-know-where and placing them on his chariot behind him. The horses were continuously running forward over the clouds. I also noticed the horses that those black things over eyes to ensure they only run forward.

Except that this picture shows a wagon..i saw chariot!!

I WAS UTTERLY CONFUSED......

I was like God...what on earth this alll about? I need more hints and assurance on what to say before i can even dare myself to open my mouth! I was thinking..I felt the reins over my face... but why would God keep throwing burdens behind him on the chariots if I was the horse and had to pull him, the chariot AND the baggages?? Why was God even putting me in the bridle? Doesnt the bridle mean he'll control me tightly? I really did not get God and did not dare speak what i had seen and felt. Everything was just so uncertain and blur. 

I EVEN received a song to which i only knew the tune and 6 words from the entire song...received it upon seeing the horses running only forward and straight..

FURTHERMORE, the group had sort of landed on the topic of mercy and compassion. My entire story did not seem to link and make sense and fit in AT ALL...

I was thinking..backing to the starting point again, maybe..it was all just part of my fatigue that made me feel those reign-like facial tensions.

Then, Jie Charmaine caught me in the eye. I was like "Die...what did I just get myself into? Why did i turn to look at her?!!!" She knew I had received something and gave the me "go ahead and say" hand sign. I was like...haha...God... you better help me ah..I really dunno what to say. Everything had no link!?

All i did was laugh and say "Ok, basically." and i had broken down. I had not even spoken anything related to the entire story! I knew. God was proud and pleased at me. I had plucked up my courage, to a new level. I knew nothing about the entire experience i had with God, but decided to go against my mental awareness about others opinions about me, and had just that mustard seed size of faith for God to place words in my mouth.

I told myself to calm down from the tears quickly or else my mouth would not open to speak. As soon as i opened my mouth, someeee things started to make sense.I spoke about the bridle-like feeling over my face and how i saw a chariot with God pulling the 2 horses. I said "God may be controlling at times, but it's all for our own good.He's going to hold us by the reins and lead us forward in lives." I felt like i was uttering rubbish, but this should be God's words? hehh.. still learning>< 

And then, I mustered all the courage i had to sing to the group the song i received. In tears, I sang just that 6 words i knew: "And i  will run to you" and when the entire group just continued the lyrics, i couldnt continue, but just listen to the combined voices. When they finished singing that chorus section, thank goodness Jie Charmaine continued and sang the verse and then chorus again. (Cos i really didnt know the song lyrics well and didnt know what to say). FYI, this is the song:

With that song, Jac, sitted beside me also managed to pick up her courage and confess what she experienced which was related to mine:) 

As she was speaking, I felt nudging me again, telling me what I had forgotten to tell the group about what I saw on the chariot. With a new confidence level, I spoke about the baggages I had seen. I may not have understood them well enough, but I still obeyed God and said it. To my surprise! this was probably a nudge to...Wendy?(i forgot:/).Because she had something to say about baggages, which was really true. All of us could have entered the house with heavy hearts, but if we were willing to hand over these baggages to our Father's open hands, everything'll be fine:)

As more and more people revealed to me what they felt my entire experience could mean, i figured it out. There are many many interpretations.Hence, God did not link it up entirely for me. Examples include, God was going to guide me to spread his word...His angels will help pick up baggages from all of us and so we can run our race with a lighted self... No matter how heavy things could be, as long we run in the spirit of God, God will always be with us to hold our bagggages..etc!

And i shall end my long grandmother's story here.hee!   

P.S. i've loved horses from young and always dreamed to have one as a pet:)

Trait or boon?

Blur.sotong.slow.small girl.
Will these traits ever leave me?I really don't know they're a part of me which makes me me,or a character I need to get rid of.
Lord,I pray you just guide me clearly as I grow into your desired character.

Self-made crazy first week!!

Oh well, it hasn't exactly been the first week yet but i must say, it's mean crazily energy-draining on me!!:( And yes, i created this mess on my own...I wanted to create a more interesting lesson for my kids so...i went all outs to create this awesome lesson about the boring music history for them! Thank goodness, my lesson didn't go to waste like it could have been...

Just seeing them enjoy learning excitedly gets me happy and throws away all the fatigue i had prior to the lesson:) [during lesson only] haa!

Here's some of my proof of evidence!!:D

All the hardwork even before lesson begins.....

YAY!self-directed learning?:)

Classroom transformed to museum set up by themselves!:)

Photo courtesy of my lovely mentor:)

"There are made-teachers and born-teachers:) YOU... Are a born teacher. Your passion, zeal, zest and love for education is incredibly infectious and our students are SO BLESSED to have you in their lives:) I am inspired by you and I truly believe in all you are and all you are going to be:) Love being in your lessons!"

Fortunately, Music lessons can be made similar across the board for each level so...wait up as i continue to post even more evidences of this wonderful lesson i made for this brand new T2!

DRIVING TEST DAY!!.......

Haa!:) Boy was i excited and nervous to take the test!!

Like finallyyy...after NINEEE months!!:):):):)

Nine freaking months.told you so...

I think no other auto driving student has ever this amount of lessons...

So...i went for final lesson at 12nn. and i tell you. I was constantly praying and praying in my heart nonstop that everything will go fine but NO it seriously DID NOT go well.

Firstly, i again made some silly mistakes while driving around the circuit and arghh...boy was i nervous about whether i could really make it through or not....

Eventually, the time came for me to enter the waiting area at bbdc. It was like super awkward la.My driving instructor just asked me to turn, and so i just turned into the petrol kiosk, not knowing why we even turned in. Then he just started explaining that he already clipped everything together, so i just need to drop these documents into the box and wait at the waiting area. Then, he just said ok, you can go now.I was like what?! NOW? i mean...i didn't expect going in to wait at 1.15pm cos my actual timing stated 1.55pm. Anyways, i just acted cool, pretending i know everything and i'll easily come out with my license and went in. haa!

So, after buying my bread, for fear my hunger growls would scared the tester, i went up to wait. Again, it was awkward and tense. Even opening the bread plastic bag was loud cos of the surrounding deafening silence..Everyone was just waiting and using their iphones...typical Singaporeans.haa:)

Then, the horror came. Some bbdc tester called "TEO YAN LING!" I was like "shit! I'm the first!?! oh gosh..i hope this tester is nice..blah blah blah..." but no.. this is how it went(somewhat):

"teo yan ling?"

"yup"

"erm... your driving test was at 1015am, it's over already. We searched the database for your name numerous times but it isn't there. You see here? 1015am. I think you need to book another timing for the test. You can do it downstairs"

(priceless dumbfounded expression on me)

I was just speechless. I just walked out with my documents and after about a minute, picked up my phone to call my blur instructor. Told him the news and met him. Again, awkwardness came upon. He said "ajdfioeivhigewKSD"..ok.so something in chinese which i really couldnt understand so i just waited in the direction he pointed me to wait at..And after waiting aimlessly for about 20mins under the hot weather, he found me and asked me to go over, which i guessed was to go into his car. So, basically, he drove me back to Gombak and started finding the next test date on his iphone to book. Which was freaking 1 June!?!!!LIKE WTH! i was really dissapointed and said ok, let's book later and hopefully, a closer date and timing which i'm available will come up for sale....

On that awkward note, i left the car.

yups.1015am.he booked wrongly...

But what struck me in my heart wasn't anger. It was dissapointment, even i was surprised, or rather not. I actually clearly knew why i was dissapointed but i just didnt want to admit or believe in it. Even now, as i write this post days after my test (yes, i cheat, today is actually 20/3), it isn't easy to type it down...

Somehow, even before the test, even as i waited in the waiting area and the many days after driving lesson when i wonder why i take so damn freaking long to just learn to drive the auto car, i knew, something was going to screw up during my test day and i wouldn't be able to pass. I just had this prompting in my heart, that God had a reason for making me do so lousy in my driving lessons. I mean..which fella would score close to and full marks for their theory, but do so freaking lousy in their practical driving?! Occasionally, i would even have thoughts like "aiyah...now this driving just proves how i got my way round in life with hardworking-ness. Too bad, i can't exactly be hardworking in driving lessons since there's no possible homework/self-practice.." But now..it all made sense. But in a scary, totally freaking me out way:(

ok. I knew.God wanted to use me.to bring him (my instructor) to Him. Too many promptings had God given me, but i shushed them all away continually.

Seriously, I do not click with my instructor. My chinese sucks.as everyone knows.And so every lesson i don't speak much because i just had trouble,multi tasking, driving and speaking my lousy chinese.Words just couldnt come out of my mouth, so often i felt maligned and would cry out of anger at myself during lessons. I would just be so disappointed in myself and couldn't understand WHY i was so lousy and couldn't improve.

But, many a times, when i tell my instructor i have church prayer meetings/church band practice/church sunday service, he would continue this convo comfortably with me(not that I was comfortable, he was...) and ask me stuff like..."why you go church?" "you need to give money to church?" "aiya..that 10% money to give to church just give me la" "pastors are very rich right?" "you give that 10% for what?" "how does going church help you" "bring me go church next time la, i want see whether what you say is true"...

But, i just smiled and gave simple short answers. I really didnt know how to continue. And now, i think God is still pursuing to use me to bring my instructor to Christ. But I'm just so worried, anxious and yes, not comfortable at all. I have tons of excuses like..."my chinese is lousy" "my church is so far and there's no chinese service" "how am i even going to bring him? is he going to drive on his own or i have to mrt with him:/" Valid excuses to me, but invalid to God i guess so..God will probably just tell me,"I'm using you because you are broken."

So..people..please pray for me to speak to him somehow....we haven't set our next lesson date and time but yeah~(?) we managed to get an earlier test timeslot-24April,330pm.

I know I have won the victory but going to the finish line to get my medal isn't easy!!

Weekday band prac!

Fortunately, it was the school hols for me so i wasn't exactly that energy drained as others for this weekday band prac!:)

However, what i want to focus on this post is the prophesy Jie Marlene and the team prayed over me. She prophesied that I will start dreaming again, as I had in the past which broke down halfway. She prophesied that I will be able to see even more visions and dreams that will eventually come to pass. However, what i need to have to prepare myself for these dreams is the courage to speak/proclaim/act them out as God gives them to me.

So LORD, i just pray once again, that I will always remember that whatever I do, you're with me. So, there's really nothing for me to fear. If it is to be wrong, let it be wrong then. There's nothing wrong about being wrong since I'm human after all. So, Lord, I thank you a gazillions firstly, for choosing me to serve you in this scary yet important role. I may be weak and broken, but because of you, I'm made stronger to show the world your greatness and glory. I know you are probably going to start hurling me crazy ideas and visions that I'll know I have to do, but would be freaking scared/embarrassed to do them. So, Lord, I just pray for the confidence and courage to take them all, knowing that You have already won the victory for me, and there's nothing besides the fear from the Devil to overcome:)

Amen!

PHEW!Really hope i can do as what Jie Marlene and the team prophesied and prayed on me. Love the dreams...but hate the waking up and coming back to reality to face the dreams:/

It's Done!:)

Today's praise and worship session was just awesome.

I could just feel everyone in the congregation, together and with the help of the worship team just release their burdens to God and thanking him for loving us so much to take our rubbish. Today was probably the first time our projector spoilt and so we received song sheets to sing to..but haa! they were sorta useless cos when we sang the 2nd song, I exalt Him, God's presence had thoroughly filled the atmosphere and all we could do was just soak and enjoy the intimate moment with him. It was like time had stood still as He embraced the entire congregation. It was just unspeakably amazing.

When we went to the 3rd song, wooww.It was like a flood had gushed in and taken us all with Him. His love was just so touching and unending. With his love, in his presence, I asked God to show me even more, and more did i get! woooo~! With my raised hands, I felt God just going forward to me and intertwining his fingers like a boyfriend would grab and hold hands with his girl. I was just so loved and thankful for Him.

(And yes, I have secretly been yearning for a boyfriend.and one who would do that to me..haa!)(actually, i think i've a crush? ok.better stop here:/)

I had been crazily busy and been unable to put my 2 feet down on the ground properly to take a breather this week, but with his hand, all these crazy previously messy entangled-mess started to make sense. I felt Him in my heart telling me, "All is done. With me holding your hand every single moment and second of my life, what can tire you out?"

If the King of Kings is holding my hand, helping me, what can make me fall? All i had to do was trust in Him and let Him take control. Taking a step back was all i needed to do. God was just telling me that all things are simple with Him in control, and I couldn't help feeling so damn awesomely loved and touched. Tears streamed down crazily, making my face prolly look terribly ugly..half of me was like "urghh", but the other half just continued to embrace and enjoy being in his arms. It was just an amazing session I'm thankful for. Now, if only my dad could put down his pride and bow to Him, so that he'll also be able to feel the love i felt:)